$#%*#@^#!
- - - $#*&%##!!
- - - - - - @#&)%^#)$!!!!!
Can you tell I'm a bit upset? Just a touch?
After a long break in which I have not entered my studio (except for packing it yesterday) I just couldn't let it go on. I can only blame myself for letting everything else stand between me and what I love to do, and I am fed up of so whiningly blaming it on everything and everyone. Gheeze, grow up, woman!
While The JohnnyB had his nap today, as I was slouching in front of yet another redundant TV show, I pulled myself together, and stormed into the almost-empty studio. I imported paints and brushes from the den (to which we relocated my supplies cabinet), made another trip to get a palette - and went for it.
I decided to do something I've been postponing for a while. Y'see, I have a problem. Whenever I take a brush in my hand, I always blend the colors together beyond distinction and soften the edges like some edge-softening maniac, ending up with grayed colors and my infamous wishy-washy style, which I am quite tired of. When I did my self-portrait collage (and the others that followed), I was thrilled by the sharp edges and the interest they added. I loved the result, loved the new style - and yet, can't do it with a brush.
Perhaps it's a matter of patience (or lack of). While in collage you can work continuously, getting sharp edges and glowing color with watercolors requires waiting for the previous layer to dry. Aha! herein lays the catch: Waiting. Holding back. Postponing satisfactions. No such concepts in the dictionary of us Aries people. Such deeds are excruciating, and require extreme effort.
RabkieM, listening with growing pity to my outcry, had a brilliant suggestion: reproduce my collage in watercolors. I was intimidated, as it's basically copying, which requires discipline. And yet - I decided to give it a go. Perhaps it would teach me to leave the paint alone, and enable me to do what I have never managed to achieve before. Perhaps hard edges will become my new best friends? Perhpas pigs will fly?
I started on the right track, obediently following the collage - - - for 5 whole minutes!! Then I was carried away, and began to get creative. As it often happens, I got lost in the process.
"Stop!", I told myself.
- - "Take a break and look at it from far away", I reminded me.
- - - - "At least take photos of the stages!", I begged.
Nothin'. Nobody to talk to.
I was apainting.
And as I was trying to pull the painting together, I became even more smart-alecky, introducing a couple of more things.
Just to remind you, the original intention was to copy the collage.
OK, before starting, I decided to incorporate some text by transferring it onto the paper (which resulted in a pathetic failure, as it dissolved into nothing!). Once the face was done (very successfully, if I may say so!!), I attempted to repeat a very successful light pattern I had in one of my self-portrait bozzettos. AND, just for fun, I decided to follow an advice I suddenly remembered: conceal one of the eyes, so they don't compete for attention.
Oh, and above all: I was trying to paint a masterpiece for the upcoming annual show. Yeah, that helped...
OK then, enough stalling. Here is the result: For those of you who find themselves gazing at the painting and wondering... no, The JohnnyB did not do that to my face.
Ah well, we learn much more from failures, Eh? Tomorrow is another day. I will start a new painting. I will hopefully keep the many lessons I've learned from this one in mind. Hey, at least I painted today!
And yet: @#&)%^#*$*^#)@^#!!!!
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